If you’d like to catch up on Part 1, you can check it out here.

As a reminder, the list is limited to buildings I’ve seen in person. If you have others you’d like to share, I’d love to hear about them in the comments below!

#5: The Leaning Tower of Pisa

You have to admire the infamous Italian tenacity. They just don’t take no for an answer. After finishing the first three floors, La Torre di Pisa started sinking. You’d think that would be the end of it, wouldn’t you? Well, they did indeed halt construction, but about a hundred years later, they got a little tired of looking at an unfinished building. So like a Jersey Shore club-goer, they went in for another try.

In an act of completely absurd logic, they compensated for the leaning by making one side slightly shorter than the other on each floor. Yes, they pulled the architectural equivalent of stuffing a napkin under a short table leg.

As a result, it not only leans, it’s also curved. I think we can attribute its success as a tourist destination to the fact that the curve makes it a bit more stimulating.

#4: Napoleonic Column at Place Vendome, Paris

Most people would jump right on the Eiffel Tower when it comes to Parisian symbols, but this wins out in my mind. In addition to a little statue of Napoleon at the tip, it’s ribbed (for added pleasure) and it rises from within a large round plaza.

It’s also apropos that Place Vendome is home to many hotels where wealthy Frenchmen sully their mistresses each day after lunch.

This monument was actually erected twice. Napoleon originally had it built, but it was taken down prematurely in 1871, when some members of the French government decided they need to break apart from the previous imperialism. In 1874, after some uncomfortable conversations about trying the column out somewhere new (Hotel des Invalides), they ultimately were able to work things out and get it up again.

#3: Stratosphere Hotel, Las Vegas

Sin City is prone to excess in all things, but until the Stratosphere tower came along, the Las Vegas skyline suffered from a serious lack of height. It certainly had a lot of bells and whistles on every street corner, but it was generally a level playing field throughout the city.

The hotel has been immensely unpopular since it opened in 1996, partly because of its location. It’s situated right in between the Strip and downtown in a bit of a no-man’s land, unless you’re getting married to Britney Spears across the street at the Chapel O’ Love. They also may have had a bit more success if rooms had been in the tower and not in the Vegas version of tract housing.

Now, the Stratosphere is like that crazy drunk friend who people don’t like all that much, but can be entertaining once in a while.

For sheer balls, the tower features an amazing view from its bar and more importantly, three of the world’s highest thrill rides. My favorite is “Insanity” which dangles you 270 meters over the city and then swings you in circles.

#2: Coit Tower, San Francisco

How can I argue with Alfred Hitchcock? The man admitted he used Coit Tower as a phallic symbol in backgrounds throughout the film Vertigo, so it’s got to have a place on the list.

Located in one of the best panoramic photo spots in San Francisco on Telegraph Hill, the tower is an homage to Lillian Coit’s obsession with firefighters. It’s hard to say what the most entertaining aspect of the monument is. The swaggering statue of Columbus in front of it, saying “my discovery is bigger than yours” or the name “Coit.”

And the title of Best Phallic Building in the World goes to…

#1: Torre Agbar, Barcelona

In a bit of Spanish bravado, the Torre Agbar thrusts from the surface of the city like a dildo on a pommel horse. Everything about this building screams “God’s sex toy.” From its location at the “Glories” metro stop to the multi-colored lights, you expect it to start vibrating at any second.

Affectionately known by locals as “The Suppository,” the architect has said that the structure’s design was actually inspired by a geyser.

Barcelona is home to some of the most whimsical architecture of any city in the world, but it wasn’t until the Torre Agbar was completed in 2005 that they had such a uniquely identifiable visual icon. As a result, they now have a showcase location for multi-national broadcast celebrations like New Year’s Eve.

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There you have it, the top 5. Have any others that I should make a point to visit? Or just buildings you find entertaining? Let me know!

Not content to show off by dropping trou around a campfire, insecure men have historically enlisted architects to create tributes to their private parts, with an end result that is usually more impressive than the men themselves.

And so we present this little celebration of the must-see phallic symbols of the world.

A couple notes about the qualifications – first, they are structures I’ve seen in person. If I’m missing your favorite, it’s entirely possible it’s because I haven’t yet visited it – so don’t go looking for CN Tower, all you Toronto peeps. Second, there was no vote. I just make this shit up as I go.

#10: The Washington Monument

Photo credit: Creative commons via wikipedia

It’s no wonder he’s known as the father of the United States. If this is any indication, he may have personally impregnated most of the Real Housewives of the Colonies. The monument has the added bonus of being a symbol created by Washington’s posse, the secret society of Freemasons. You have to give props to a group that could influence the creation of a nation’s capital enough to build a network of streets that forms pentagrams and a monument that simultaneously honors the country’s first president and the Egyptian Sun God Ra.

#9: Burj Khalifa (formerly known as the Burj Dubai)

One thing that Dubai isn’t compensating for is a lack of money (at least pre-2008). This is the pinnacle of the many incredibly aggressive and expensive building projects in Dubai (see the World islands and Burj al Arab, amongst others).

Photo credit: Creative commons via wikipedia

At the peak of its construction, the Dubai icon was adding a new floor every 3 days.

Progress slowed once the financial crisis hit, but a timeline of 6 years for a project of this magnitude is still pretty stunning. Let’s not get into the reports of what kind of conditions it took to make all that happen, okay?

At 828 meters, it’s double the height of the Empire State building, hosting 24,438 windows and 160 floors of usable office space. By the way, that includes a swimming pool on the 76th floor.  If you’d rather not jump on one of the 57 elevators (including several double deckers), it’s only 2909 steps to get to the top.

#8: Big Ben

Current wisdom would say that the Gherkin should win out in London, but I’m going traditional for this one. First off, the Gherkin is just a bit too bullet shaped. I pity the man who’s got something like that in his Underoos.

Big Ben also gets extra credit for the most brazen name and the fact that its ding-dong regularly moans with crescendos of joy.

#7: National Monument, Dam Square, Amsterdam

In a city known for its openness about sex, it’s fitting that the central monument is not only phallic, it includes testicles and a ring of naked bodies about the base. Erected in Dam Square to honor the victims of World War II, the figures on the base (four men, a woman and child and two men with dogs) represent war, peace and resistance.

I guess that’s better than saying it represents “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

#6: 2 IFC

Photo credit: Creative commons via wikipedia

Billed as Hong Kong’s tallest building and quoted at 88 floors, the International Financial Center’s largest tower is actually a bit shy of that number due to the exclusion of the unlucky 14th and 24th floors. It’s rather fitting that the home to so many banking institutions would have its public numbers inflated.

It’s not necessarily the most unique or impressive building on the list, but with all the traders, monetary authorities and investment groups housed on the property, it warrants a spot. After all, it’s the only tower in which the biggest pricks are on the INSIDE.

Honorable mention: The town of San Gimingnano,

There’s no single building in the town that I can really call out, but I have to give credit for the sheer audacity of the medieval dick swinging contest. In its 13th century heyday, the town was home to 72 towers of varying size. I’d hate to have been the one living in the tasteful A-frame.

Next up in Part 2: The 5 best phallic structures in the world.

I’m setting up a contest on the site called “Identify This Photo.” Because I need serious help with about 7,000 photos that are a total mystery to me. Seriously, I don’t even think I took most of them. My working theory is that they just came with the camera like that generic family in a new picture frame. You may not know them, but damn, they sure look pretty.

Do you know where this is? Me neither.

The stories behind the sights are always fascinating when they’re narrated by Sam Brown or Rick Steves, but when I’m actually traveling I never stop to investigate what things are. When you’re new to travel, the singular focus is to “check off the box” rather than actually experiencing why you’re there.

But, here’s the thing. The world has more to offer than just a lot of pretty pictures. I can appreciate looking at Gaudi architecture, but it’s far more interesting to also know the history of what he designed and why. What were his inspirations and influences? Is it true that La Sagrada Familia isn’t going to be finished until 2026? Can’t they import cheap labor and shitty working conditions from all those out of work people in Dubai? But I digress.

Whether it’s a piece of art, a local square, a festival, a statue or just a scenic vista while riding through the countryside, I snapped off shots first and figured I’d ask questions later. Unfortunately, I never ended up asking questions more meaningful than “Can I get another beer?”

Some building in Barcelona

Five steps to take for future trips:

1. Keep notes! My ego is so gigantic, I believe I’ll remember everything at the end of a trip. The irony is that I always seem to forget that I never remember stuff. Whether it’s paper and pencil or geotagged photos, keep track of what you’re seeing so you can remember it and share it.
2. Do some research. I know, studying seems like the most boring thing possible when you’re on the road. You want excitement, not READING. But the strength of the memories afterward yield some serious payback. Read the historical notes on monuments, look places up online, read local newspapers to find out exactly what those French people were protesting (believe me, you’ll see people protesting something if you visit France).
3. Talk to the people, ask them about their town, about what they do, appeal to their sense of local and personal pride to strike up conversation. It may be tough to understand that Italian man’s tale of his glory days on the town’s middle school football team, but it beats watching a Michael Bay movie in your room.
4. Join organized tours – this doesn’t mean you have to pay to hop on a bus with a bunch of Midwesterners wearing black socks and sandals. One of the most interesting parts of my bike trip through the Pyrennees was joining a free tour of a family owned cheesery. (is cheesery a word?) I didn’t pay enough attention at the time, but it was one of the most unique opportunities to learn about the people and the culture of the region.
5. Slow down – instead of running from room to room to see 4,000 works of art in the Louvre, stop at 20 pieces you really like and then learn everything you can about them. Contrary to popular belief, there is no prize at the end of the Louvre scavenger hunt.

Travel is thrilling and exciting, but after it’s over it should still be inspirational and enlightening. Quiz your family on which they would rather see: 20 slides and the stories behind them (with a sample of a regional recipe) or 1000 photos you took from your seat on the tour bus. There’s a reason travel shows don’t just put up random pictures for 30 minutes.

1. Mini-skirts and fishnet stockings are essential clothing to wear when walking a dog to crap on the sidewalk
2. There is a collective consciousness that makes chasing after flocks of pigeons a universal imperative for children in any nation.
3. In Siena, the story of Romulus has nothing to do with Star Trek, which was disappointing. The statues of babies drinking from a she-wolf’s teats makes it disturbing, as well.
4. The 72 towers of San Gimignano were how men over-compensated before the pick-up truck was invented.
5. One unanswered mystery is how there is so much open, unoccupied space in the Italian countryside when the country has been largely Catholic for centuries.
6. Italians are unique in that they don’t talk loudly and slowly if you don’t understand them. They speed up to attempt to teach you Italian through instant and total immersion.
7. You can’t tell the time by listening to cuckoos in the trees.
8. It’s impossible to prevent speaking English with an Italian accent when you’re trying to talk to an Italian.
9. Graffiti that says “Lucca = Merde” is the Italian sports fan equivalent of “Michigan Sucks!”
10. The Catholic church originated the practice of “if you can’t beat ‘em, hire ‘em” when they paid the greatest artists and free thinkers in history to work for the church.

The City of Lucca from above

A look back at the start of a week of cycling through Italy in May 2005.**