Exactly what the Hell do I think I’m doing?

This morning, as I was preparing to break the news of my departure to my boss, I read a very thought-provoking post by Graham Phoenix about not wasting your time with your round the world trip.

Image credit: laurakgibbs - creatve commons

It sparked a lot of conflicting thoughts in my head. Am I taking a career break? Creating a new life? Is it a gap year? Just goofing off in foreign countries? Am I becoming a digital nomad, global citizen, vagabond or is it simply one of Tim Ferriss’s mini-retirements?

I have no idea.

For now, I’m just traveling. Because I want to and have always wanted to. Time will tell how long that continues, what I achieve and how people want to label it.

Graham asks a number of challenging questions in his post – what is your purpose, what have you left behind, are you making friends as you travel, what are you contributing? All good questions, most of which I’m not ready to answer yet.

“Sometimes questions are more important than answers.” Nancy Willard

I wish I could answer and really KNOW where I’m going. But much like the path I’ll be taking on my bike, I’m trying NOT to plan too much of where my life takes me right now. There’s something to be said for letting life take its own course – I don’t believe in fate or destiny, but I do believe in the power the subconscious mind has to make things happen.

After more than 20 years in the corporate world, I have lost perspective of what my life wants to be. I don’t mean that in a bad way, my life has been wonderful. But at the moment, I can’t make objective judgments about where I am and what’s next. The age of 24 came with the unbridled enthusiasm for what I knew I wanted – not far different than a 7 year old certain he would become an astronaut. It may not have happened exactly the way I planned, but most of those youth-fueled desires were fulfilled along the way.

“Dreams are today’s answers to tomorrow’s questions.” Edgar Cayce

So, where does that leave me now? I know I want to travel. I know how I want to travel. I know I’m not leaving out of job frustration (as may have been the case at other points in my career). I know places I want to see. I know I want to ride my bike. I know I want to write – about my travels or just stories as they hurtle from my brain while pedaling down a country road. For now, those are the goals I’m focused on.

Will I come back to LA? To the US? To what has been my career for 20 years? Will I make a living on the road? Will I see opportunities to settle in another country? Can I make a difference? Will I love it? Will I hate it?

When all is said and done, will I just have been a tourist for an extended period of time? Maybe. But that’s not a bad thing, either.

The questions Graham asks are good ones. I’ll be bringing them along on the road so I can answer them one by one.

I lost count. Is that 20 questions?

This is part 4 of a four part series, in which I chastise myself for past experiences and give advice on fixing myself for future travels. Yes, I can give myself advice without being crazy. If you’d like to catch up, you can read:

• Part 1: Eat Stuff
• Part 2: Learn
• Part 3: Participate

The sin

Okay, I can’t really say that being “shy” makes someone an idiot. The problem comes in when you are situationally shy, like I am. In business meetings or when I’m with friends, I’m not quiet at all. If you were to ask my friends about my “shyness” they would give you a look like you just asked about the political significance of the music of Miley Cyrus.

Image Creative Commons: Katie Tegtmayer

I’m not a recluse. I love being around lots of people but I usually just sit and watch – whether it’s at a bar, a cafe or just in an airport. So far, I’ve been lucky enough to avoid restraining orders.

In addition to being innately introverted, I also place blame on my writing background. As a child, I lived in the worlds of books and my own imagination. Once I grew older, that transitioned to studying people – how they speak, how they interact, what their reactions are. On any given night at a club, I can predict who in the crowd is going to hook up with deadly accuracy. I could probably save guys a lot of time and money – if I actually ever talked to them.

There are few things I enjoy more than sitting at a small sidewalk cafe, watching the hustle and bustle of people as they rush by or as they quietly sit at a table reading Le Monde. But watching is only one dimension of interaction. You have to have conversations with people to learn who they are.

The benefit

At this point, I was going to write about some past embarrassments where I sat somewhere and didn’t talk to anyone. Although I know I’ve had hundreds of those evenings around the world, I can’t come up with any I can accurately describe. Which brings us to the point -  those evenings aren’t very memorable.

When I’ve had conversations and met new people, those memories are crystal clear. Whether it’s chatting with a couple of Scottish women in Dubai or joining a group of British revelers at a cafe in Rome, I remember the people, the locations and the great times I’ve had.

Even when there are language barriers, the struggle to make yourself understood can be a source of entertainment and achievement – especially when you successfully communicate in a language that’s not your own. One of the most interesting times I had in Paris many years ago was near Montmartre the night before my birthday. I was far too naïve to realize what area of town I had wandered into, so I stepped inside a small place to order a beer. After a provocatively dressed woman sat down next to me, a bright red light bulb went off above my head.

Don’t worry, this isn’t turning into a different kind of confession.

She was obviously having a slow evening, so even after I made it clear I wasn’t interested in anything more than a beer, we started talking. I stumbled through in limited French and her in non-existent English, but it was wonderful fun to actually make conversation with a native French speaker. As we spoke about where I was from, how long I was in town and what I had seen so far, I was surprised with how much of the language came back to me when I was forced to use it.

After a nice conversation, she reach down and groped me as a happy birthday present. Every bit of shyness came coursing back through my body, so I quickly finished my drink and left, but the experience is still crystal clear, many years later.

Okay, maybe that was memorable for more than just the conversation.

The Penance

I don’t give a shit what Rick Springfield says, I’ve started talking to strangers.

It’s a tough thing to change when you’re not used to it. What should I say? I’ll sound like a doofus. They won’t care about what I think. Maybe so, but so what?

Since I’ve started talking to random people, here’s what I’ve learned:

Take the leap. Once you start talking with someone, you come up with commonality. More often than not, you discover shared connections – people you know, places you’ve lived or traveled, what you do for a living. After that first step, conversation starts to flow more naturally. Unless you happen upon another non-talker, then you just need to move on.

Realize they aren’t all out to get you. I don’t know if this is an American thing but whether it’s at home or abroad, my natural instinct is always to figure out WHY the person is talking to me. They must want something. The thing to understand is that most people only want conversation and human interaction, just like you.

If you want to see some rainbows, you have to be ready for some rain. On a plane, I don’t talk to people for fear they’re going to want to talk back for the entirety of a 5 hour flight. Sometimes that will happen. Sometimes you’ll be stuck next to a guy who will spend 2 hours trying to convince you to buy into his company selling self-cooling  towels for menopausal women (yes, this is a true story). But the chances are you’ll meet someone who has interesting experiences to share.

Set achievable goals and stick to them. This is a big one for me. The reason I’m not shy in business is that I know what I need to achieve and I get it done. Treat shyness like a business obstacle – create a plan to succeed. Here are a few travel goals, some of which I’ve already started:

• Talk to at least one person I don’t know each day, long enough to get to know their name. For someone shy, that feels awkward as Hell. But once you get into a rhythm, it becomes second nature.
• Weekly interviews. One feature I’m planning to jump into is a weekly interview with someone random I meet on the road. It may be a local, it may be a fellow traveler. But I will learn what makes him or her tick, hopefully with questions that don’t get me slapped in the face with a white glove. Note to self: avoid temperamental ambassadors.
• Business cards. They may not spark the conversation but they certainly help to keep the interaction going even after you’ve parted ways. Handing out business cards always seems a bit tacky when you’re in a social situation. So, let’s get around that by renaming them – how about calling them “egotificates?” hmmm… maybe that’s not any better.
• A conversation piece. For me, the bike usually gets a lot of questions, especially when it’s loaded up. One popular option for solo travelers is a photo buddy. Nothing sparks conversation like taking a picture of a Satan bobblehead in front of the Eiffel Tower.
• Stay at hostels once in a while. I plan to throw myself into tourist situations every so often to meet other travelers rather than spending rainy evenings alone in my room. Joining a group tour occasionally will also introduce you to fellow travelers.
• Use social media. Twitter and Facebook are wonderful tools for meeting people in or around the area you’re visiting. Online communication can be a facilitator instead of a crutch. I haven’t left yet, but have already met many people (virtually and in the real world) through Twitter, Facebook and Couchsurfing.com. An exciting, unplanned diversion to La Tomatina in Spain came completely out of left field from other folks on Twitter (thanks to @ahesser) and is now one of the highlights of my planned trip.

I’m sure I’ll learn a lot more when I’m completely disconnected from my support system for weeks at a time. For those of you who have your own bouts with shyness, what tricks have you used to get over it when you’re traveling solo?

This is part 3 of a four part series, in which I chastise myself for past experiences and give advice on fixing myself for future travels. Yes, I can give myself advice without being crazy. If you’d like to catch up, you can read:

• Part 1: Eat Stuff
• Part 2: Learn
  

Cultural Idiot Lesson #3: Participate

I’m a habitual watcher.

My nerd cred goes back up with this.

I love people watching, dog watching, whale watching, girl watching. I’ve never tried bird watching because it seems like if you wanted to do that, you could just grab some day old bread, sit in a park and let the birds come to you. When you add in binoculars and ornithology books, it knocks even ME down a few rungs on the nerd ladder.

As a somewhat shy solo traveler it’s easy to spend too much time on the sidelines, worried that people might judge me or rebuff me in some way. The fear of rejection when you’re on your own can be pretty daunting. To make things worse, I’m also a card-carrying non-conformist. Okay, that’s a lie. I don’t actually carry a card because that would be the opposite of being a non-conformist. The point is, I generally avoid anything that’s been done by millions of people before me, whether it’s watching Avatar or using dental floss.

The greatest memories of my life are from times when I DID push out of my comfort zone. I danced in the Samba parade in Rio during Carnaval, I dressed in a gladiator costume for a Halloween fantasy ball in Las Vegas with 15,000 of my closest friends, I rode a stage of the Tour de France through the Pyrenees, I even went to Wicked on Broadway. Contrary to how that list may sound, I am straight.

Sadly, I’ve also let a lot of opportunities knock while I hid in the shower. No it wasn’t an unusually long shower. Quit judging me.

• Pamplona: running with the bulls – skipped it. The only people who get hurt are the ones who get hurt from beer, either from drinking too much of it or slipping in puddles of it. It was nothing to be afraid of.
• Mexico: eating the worm with my mezcal – skipped it. Hell, I got sick from Diet Coke and tainted ice. A worm was the least of my gastro-intestinal challenges during a 3 hour crawl across the border.
• Rome: mass at St. Peter’s – skipped it. I’m gonna go ahead and blame repressed memories of my time as an altar boy. (By the way, did you know the Vatican website has a link to “Vatican Secret Archives?” Is that really the Vatican site or did I get caught up in a game of “World of Popecraft?”)
• Lourdes: having my injuries healed – skipped it. The problem with going to a place where everyone is looking to be healed is that it’s chock full o’ sick people.
• Rio: hang gliding – skipped it. nomadicchick did it and I will eternally regret the fact that, day in and day out, I just wandered the same gorgeous, Brazilian beaches looking at gorgeous Brazilian women. hmmm… Well, the point is still valid.

Beyond the big events and experiences there is a bonanza of opportunity to learn more about the world by doing everyday things with people.

1. Worship – I’m not a fan of religion, but if you want to understand people, faith is usually a cornerstone of their lives. Attend mass or a ceremony – you don’t have to agree with a particular denomination to show interest in a country’s residents and their beliefs. While you’re there, you can at least praise the fact that you’re traveling and not in an office.
2. Local events – towns have festivals that aren’t in any guide book. Read local papers to find celebrations of Spring, the harvest, school fundraisers and more. If you’re in Thailand or France, your odds are about 50/50 that you’re going to find a protest march while you’re there, even if it’s just an attempt to change the name of “french dressing” to “patriot dressing.” These kinds of events are fascinating to attend, especially if you get local bands and politicians there to support it. Jump in and help out, if you can.
3. Social gatherings – I’m not suggesting you re-enact Wedding Crashers 2: Euro Boogaloo, but as you get to know locals, take advantage of it. Try to join some local occasions with new friends – birthday parties, family reunions or even a funeral for the crazy cat lady. If you get an invitation, say YES.
4. Sports – seeing a futbol match at Maracana is an unforgettable experience, but there are low and no-cost sporting events of all kinds at local high schools and colleges. If there are regional sports, go check them out. You haven’t lived until you’ve tried curling – it’s not ONLY for the Olympics.
   

   How can San Onofre ban nudity when it has a boob monument?

5. Adventures – it doesn’t have to be paragliding, ziplining or bungee jumping. I’m not anxious to jump out of a plane at any point, but I do plan to do things that most people will think are crazy. Admittedly, riding a bike around Europe kind of qualifies for that in the first place.

There are limits, of course. You wouldn’t want to do anything that’s TRULY putting you in harm’s way, breaks laws or that you find morally offensive. If the group you’re sharing beer with starts to cut up old bed sheets, make a wooden cross and re-fill their Zippos, it’s time to call it a night.

This is part 2 of a four part series, in which I chastise myself for past experiences and give advice on fixing myself for future travels. Yes, I can give myself advice without being crazy. If you’d like to catch up, you can read Part 1: Eat Stuff.

Lesson #2 for cultural idiots: Don’t just take photos, take inspiration.

I’m setting up a contest on the site called “Identify This Photo.” Because I need serious help with about 7,000 photos that are a total mystery to me. Seriously, I don’t even think I took most of them. My working theory is that they just came with the camera like that generic family in a new picture frame. You may not know them, but damn, they sure look pretty.

Do you know where this is? Me neither.

The stories behind the sights are always fascinating when they’re narrated by Sam Brown or Rick Steves, but when I’m actually traveling I never stop to investigate what things are. When you’re new to travel, the singular focus is to “check off the box” rather than actually experiencing why you’re there.

But, here’s the thing. The world has more to offer than just a lot of pretty pictures. I can appreciate looking at Gaudi architecture, but it’s far more interesting to also know the history of what he designed and why. What were his inspirations and influences? Is it true that La Sagrada Familia isn’t going to be finished until 2026? Can’t they import cheap labor and shitty working conditions from all those out of work people in Dubai? But I digress.

Whether it’s a piece of art, a local square, a festival, a statue or just a scenic vista while riding through the countryside, I snapped off shots first and figured I’d ask questions later. Unfortunately, I never ended up asking questions more meaningful than “Can I get another beer?”

Some building in Barcelona

Five steps to take for future trips:

1. Keep notes! My ego is so gigantic, I believe I’ll remember everything at the end of a trip. The irony is that I always seem to forget that I never remember stuff. Whether it’s paper and pencil or geotagged photos, keep track of what you’re seeing so you can remember it and share it.
2. Do some research. I know, studying seems like the most boring thing possible when you’re on the road. You want excitement, not READING. But the strength of the memories afterward yield some serious payback. Read the historical notes on monuments, look places up online, read local newspapers to find out exactly what those French people were protesting (believe me, you’ll see people protesting something if you visit France).
3. Talk to the people, ask them about their town, about what they do, appeal to their sense of local and personal pride to strike up conversation. It may be tough to understand that Italian man’s tale of his glory days on the town’s middle school football team, but it beats watching a Michael Bay movie in your room.
4. Join organized tours – this doesn’t mean you have to pay to hop on a bus with a bunch of Midwesterners wearing black socks and sandals. One of the most interesting parts of my bike trip through the Pyrennees was joining a free tour of a family owned cheesery. (is cheesery a word?) I didn’t pay enough attention at the time, but it was one of the most unique opportunities to learn about the people and the culture of the region.
5. Slow down – instead of running from room to room to see 4,000 works of art in the Louvre, stop at 20 pieces you really like and then learn everything you can about them. Contrary to popular belief, there is no prize at the end of the Louvre scavenger hunt.

Travel is thrilling and exciting, but after it’s over it should still be inspirational and enlightening. Quiz your family on which they would rather see: 20 slides and the stories behind them (with a sample of a regional recipe) or 1000 photos you took from your seat on the tour bus. There’s a reason travel shows don’t just put up random pictures for 30 minutes.

I am the anti-Bourdain. When I watch him, I see someone who turned Fear Factor into a full time career.

Where's the expiration date printed?

I confess. Foreign food terrifies me. So much of it is slimy and chewy and squishy.

Seriously, have you SEEN a 100 year old egg? It’s an unnatural translucent green that you suspect incubates something that would stalk Sigourney Weaver. If I had eaten it, there would have been a translucent green coating on everything within 30 feet.

The most lavish feast I’ve ever seen was when I attended a traditional Chinese wedding (it was in Chinatown in Los Angeles, but that’s besides the point). All the main courses came out with heads still attached, so I had to survive entirely on fried rice and a slice of the marital cake.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not some ugly American who looks down on other cultures. I LOVE other cultures. I love watching the people, how they work, how they live, how they eat. But I love them from a distance. Fear has prevented me from really diving into them.

Photo - Thomas Scoch, wikimedia creative commons license

A primary goal for my round the world trip is to fix that by fully immersing myself and adopting the lifestyle in my temporary homes. The most challenging part of that goal is going to be indulging in the food. I’ve tried nibbles of things when I’ve traveled, but I’ve never really opened myself to them. Whether it’s quail eggs or kimchi, I’ve managed to dance around it.

There’s no trick to fixing this. I just have to force myself to do it. These are things that have been eaten by millions (or billions) of people, so there’s nothing in there that’s going to kill me. And for god’s sake, I’ve had the food at Arby’s, which should be infinitely more frightening than sampling fried crickets.

In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt – “eat one thing each day that makes you want to yak.”