I wasn’t going to let a sneezing fit spoil my stay in Paris. As a result, my DNA is now a part of the permanent collection at the Orsay. Sorry Vincent!

Sometimes I think some of the greatest painters had the maturity of Beavis & Butthead. “hehehe… That flower looks like a vagina… hehehe. I’m gonna paint it.”

Double stick tape evidently dates back to the dawn of creation. SOMETHING was holding those leaves on.

Sure, paint a bunch of schoolchildren playing in a park and you’re an impressionist genius, but snap a few photos and you wind up on some watch list.

I think this sign at the Louvre means “Don’t Walk on Water. That’s Jesus’s job.”

With the right positioning and a marketing campaign about it being an expression of woman’s struggle to take control of her sexuality, Two Girls One Cup would probably be right at home alongside some of the art at the Pompidou.

Restroom signs in the modern art gallery should be themed to the section they’re in. I’d love to watch people trying to figure out which is the Ladies Room in the Kandinsky section.

I like modern art and abstract art, but I have never understood the popularity of Picasso – it looks like the fingerpaintings of a 7 year old to me. Seriously, doesn’t this look like your nephew was trying to draw a muppet?

It sucks that many museums won’t let you take photos – not even of the sculpture. I would wager it’s more because they want to sell the prints in their gift shops than any fear of damage.

The Pompidou had a temporary exhibit of theme parks, world fairs and their impacts on architecture, city planning and art. I think it’s cool that Salvador Dali had a job kind of like mine once, creating a maze attraction. Of course, the attractions I’ve worked on didn’t have naked women in them. Unless you count the women flashing their breasts to the cameras on Jurassic Park.