While I’m traveling, lots of random thoughts pop into my head. Each week I like to share a few of them. Please don’t judge me, I know I’m a bit crazy.

This week – even more random as I clear out the drips and drabs left over from China.

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The Chinese government could cut millions of dollars from their budget each year if they stopped painting lane stripes on their roads. No one pays attention to them, so why bother?

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Well, there go two avenues of trying to jump start my sex life.

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I saw a car on the street that Chevrolet named the Spark. Is it allowed to get close enough to a pump to fill its tank?

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I’m astounded that people here wear face masks to avoid spreading germs, but they are constantly horking up a big piece of phlegm to spit on the sidewalk. Or inside the train station. Or on my shoe.

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Motorbikes in the colder parts of China have hand muffs attached. How in the Hell do you flip someone off with these things on?

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Someday I want to do a pictorial essay about bikinis and call it Paradise Flossed.

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If this sign had been in place on the Great Wall 3000 years ago, maybe they wouldn’t have had so many fights about it.

Mongolian soldier: “General, should we attack the wall?”

Mongolian general: “Idiot!! Don’t you see that sign?”

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Bad business ideas:

• Titling your Broadway Musical “Closed for Renovation”
• Titling your magazine “Complimentary”
• Opening a mall kiosk in China to sell hair straighteners

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As in many countries, the China Postal Service also operates as a bank. Can you imagine how horrible it would be if the US Postal Service also operated a bank? Long lines, poor service, you have no idea where your money goes and you’re afraid they might lose it. Holy shit, they DO operate the banks!

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Something I’d never seen before – a fashion show to sell bedding. They came out to model pillows, women were dressed in comforters and sheets.Would it qualify if you bought some bedding and claimed you slept with a runway model?

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I was in the Kunming airport and a group of Chinese security officers walked toward me. I was wondering – “fuck, what did I do wrong?”

They wanted to take my picture with a security guard helping me with a non-existent question. I guess I fit the role of “clueless tourist” perfectly. I’m gonna be famous in China, but the caption will probably be something like “our highly trained staff is very happy to help even the most idiotic traveler.”