I haven’t really confirmed this, but I’ve heard that the festival of La Tomatina started back in the days of bad vaudeville performers in an attempt to rid the world of its supply of rotten tomatoes. Now, once a year 40,000 people descend upon tiny Buñol, Spain to hurl over-ripe vegetables at each other for an hour.

I envision that this is what life is like working at the Heinz factory – a Wonka-like world of tomato bits, complete with beer and techno music to accompany shmushing crimson produce in the face of Pennsylvanian oompa-loompas. In my mind, that’s how ketchup is born.

The festival itself is a wonderful experience. You have to love the fact that a tiny town like this sees one day of international fame each year – with music, laughter and good messy fun. It’s one of those uniquely Spanish events, like running with the bulls, that celebrates life by just doing something illogical and ridiculous.

This is known as a "cyclist's tan"

The extravaganza is especially popular with travel bloggers, so there’s already a wealth of great advice available online. I recommend checking out posts at WhatsDaveDoing.com and CailinTravels.com. But they missed a few bits, so let me fill in the blanks.

Here are a few things you absolutely MUST avoid so that you get the most out of the experience:

1) Anti-perspirant. Getting crushed in a crowd of hot, sweat-soaked drunk people is part of the event’s charm. Quick physics lesson – when anti-matter and matter collide, a tremendous explosion results. The effect here is similar – if you wear anti-perspirant to this event, it will create a slippery force-field between you and the other revelers as thousands of pounds of pressure push up against you as the tomato trucks pass by. You risk serious injury when you shoot like a watermelon seed out of the crowd and into a neighboring village.

2) Tour group t-shirts. Avoid these like the plague. They will mark you as a short term visitor and you will not mix in at all with the locals. As any good traveler knows, blending in with the residents is a critical part of really appreciating a cultural experience. To truly appear to be a resident during the hoopla in Buñol, you should spend the day somewhere other than Buñol.

3) Restrooms. There are 6 stalls for 40,000 people who’ve been imbibing beer since the night before. Even if your life’s mission is to wait 30 minutes to climb into a porta-potty that’s long since been filled beyond capacity, don’t do it. This is the perfect opportunity to get back to nature and relieve yourself crouched in between parked cars – the way God intended.

4) Swimming pools in the middle of nowhere. No matter what the guy selling you an overpriced bus tour might say, getting stuck for 4 hours at a public pool 30km outside of town is NOT the way to spend the afternoon after the adventure is over. The emotional scars left from seeing a 70 year old man swimming in tightie-whities will take much longer to cleanse than the tomato stains I have in that part of my back I can’t quite reach.

5) Sleep. If you’re wide awake, you may look around and ask “what the fuck am I doing here?” It’s far better to stay up all night before the festival so you can fully indulge yourself in a haze of “whooo!”

6) Bars and restaurants. Don’t spend your money on beer or breakfast before the burgundy bombardment begins, because there’s plenty of refreshment available from guys walking the street. For 2 Euros and a complete disregard for sanitation, you can pick up a full day’s supply of mystery sangria served in a used 2 liter Fanta jug. It’s a beverage AND a meal.

7) Arriving early. If you get there too early, you might accidently end up near the center of the action and get tomatoes thrown at you. And that’s just plain silly.

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La Tomatina is one of those experiences you have to see to believe. Book your 2011 trip to Valencia now!

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