Not every random thought deserves to have its own blog post. Here are some of the things that popped into my head while I was in Amsterdam.

• Do you think somewhere in the Netherlands there’s a community of Dutch Pennsylvanians? All wearing Steelers jerseys and eating cheese steak?
• They don’t seem to realize it, but the marketing folks for Cool Ranch Doritos are missing a natural opportunity to sponsor the entire city of Amsterdam.
• Amsterdam trivia: a licensed prostitute has to pay 19% sales tax and 30-35% income tax on the fee she gets from a client. There’s a joke in there about getting screwed 3 times for the same money, but I can’t quite get to it.
• Trying to figure out signs in Dutch is like sorting through furniture names at Ikea.
• In trying to speak an approximation of Dutch, I think I just asked someone for directions to the “Al Franken House.”
• You’d think that with the gigantic queue in front of the Anne Frank house, the Germans would have known something was up.
• I’m torn between two worlds. For the hell of it, I joined a pub crawl in Amsterdam with a bunch of twenty-somethings but I also think I’m starting to develop that crusty white gunk old people get on the sides of their mouths.
• On the pub crawl I feel a little like “Ken, Lonnie, I’d like you to meet … Mohammed, Jugdish, Sidney and Clayton. Grab a seat and make yourself at home, okay?”
• There’s an Amsterdam Club called “More Than a Woman.” I don’t want to think too hard about what that means, but I’m guessing it’s not a Bee Gees theme bar.
• My hotel bath tub in Amsterdam is some bizarre funnel shape so the only way to shower without falling over is to pose like Captain Morgan. One foot by the drain and one on the ledge above.
• The Diamond Museum should give out free samples like they did on the Heineken tour.
• I’d really like to have someone’s ear to complain about the long lines at the Van Gogh museum.
• I haven’t eaten much in Amsterdam since I realized everything is cooked in Dutch ovens.

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