This is part 4 of a four part series, in which I chastise myself for past experiences and give advice on fixing myself for future travels. Yes, I can give myself advice without being crazy. If you’d like to catch up, you can read:

• Part 1: Eat Stuff
• Part 2: Learn
• Part 3: Participate

The sin

Okay, I can’t really say that being “shy” makes someone an idiot. The problem comes in when you are situationally shy, like I am. In business meetings or when I’m with friends, I’m not quiet at all. If you were to ask my friends about my “shyness” they would give you a look like you just asked about the political significance of the music of Miley Cyrus.

Image Creative Commons: Katie Tegtmayer

I’m not a recluse. I love being around lots of people but I usually just sit and watch – whether it’s at a bar, a cafe or just in an airport. So far, I’ve been lucky enough to avoid restraining orders.

In addition to being innately introverted, I also place blame on my writing background. As a child, I lived in the worlds of books and my own imagination. Once I grew older, that transitioned to studying people – how they speak, how they interact, what their reactions are. On any given night at a club, I can predict who in the crowd is going to hook up with deadly accuracy. I could probably save guys a lot of time and money – if I actually ever talked to them.

There are few things I enjoy more than sitting at a small sidewalk cafe, watching the hustle and bustle of people as they rush by or as they quietly sit at a table reading Le Monde. But watching is only one dimension of interaction. You have to have conversations with people to learn who they are.

The benefit

At this point, I was going to write about some past embarrassments where I sat somewhere and didn’t talk to anyone. Although I know I’ve had hundreds of those evenings around the world, I can’t come up with any I can accurately describe. Which brings us to the point -  those evenings aren’t very memorable.

When I’ve had conversations and met new people, those memories are crystal clear. Whether it’s chatting with a couple of Scottish women in Dubai or joining a group of British revelers at a cafe in Rome, I remember the people, the locations and the great times I’ve had.

Even when there are language barriers, the struggle to make yourself understood can be a source of entertainment and achievement – especially when you successfully communicate in a language that’s not your own. One of the most interesting times I had in Paris many years ago was near Montmartre the night before my birthday. I was far too naïve to realize what area of town I had wandered into, so I stepped inside a small place to order a beer. After a provocatively dressed woman sat down next to me, a bright red light bulb went off above my head.

Don’t worry, this isn’t turning into a different kind of confession.

She was obviously having a slow evening, so even after I made it clear I wasn’t interested in anything more than a beer, we started talking. I stumbled through in limited French and her in non-existent English, but it was wonderful fun to actually make conversation with a native French speaker. As we spoke about where I was from, how long I was in town and what I had seen so far, I was surprised with how much of the language came back to me when I was forced to use it.

After a nice conversation, she reach down and groped me as a happy birthday present. Every bit of shyness came coursing back through my body, so I quickly finished my drink and left, but the experience is still crystal clear, many years later.

Okay, maybe that was memorable for more than just the conversation.

The Penance

I don’t give a shit what Rick Springfield says, I’ve started talking to strangers.

It’s a tough thing to change when you’re not used to it. What should I say? I’ll sound like a doofus. They won’t care about what I think. Maybe so, but so what?

Since I’ve started talking to random people, here’s what I’ve learned:

Take the leap. Once you start talking with someone, you come up with commonality. More often than not, you discover shared connections – people you know, places you’ve lived or traveled, what you do for a living. After that first step, conversation starts to flow more naturally. Unless you happen upon another non-talker, then you just need to move on.

Realize they aren’t all out to get you. I don’t know if this is an American thing but whether it’s at home or abroad, my natural instinct is always to figure out WHY the person is talking to me. They must want something. The thing to understand is that most people only want conversation and human interaction, just like you.

If you want to see some rainbows, you have to be ready for some rain. On a plane, I don’t talk to people for fear they’re going to want to talk back for the entirety of a 5 hour flight. Sometimes that will happen. Sometimes you’ll be stuck next to a guy who will spend 2 hours trying to convince you to buy into his company selling self-cooling  towels for menopausal women (yes, this is a true story). But the chances are you’ll meet someone who has interesting experiences to share.

Set achievable goals and stick to them. This is a big one for me. The reason I’m not shy in business is that I know what I need to achieve and I get it done. Treat shyness like a business obstacle – create a plan to succeed. Here are a few travel goals, some of which I’ve already started:

• Talk to at least one person I don’t know each day, long enough to get to know their name. For someone shy, that feels awkward as Hell. But once you get into a rhythm, it becomes second nature.
• Weekly interviews. One feature I’m planning to jump into is a weekly interview with someone random I meet on the road. It may be a local, it may be a fellow traveler. But I will learn what makes him or her tick, hopefully with questions that don’t get me slapped in the face with a white glove. Note to self: avoid temperamental ambassadors.
• Business cards. They may not spark the conversation but they certainly help to keep the interaction going even after you’ve parted ways. Handing out business cards always seems a bit tacky when you’re in a social situation. So, let’s get around that by renaming them – how about calling them “egotificates?” hmmm… maybe that’s not any better.
• A conversation piece. For me, the bike usually gets a lot of questions, especially when it’s loaded up. One popular option for solo travelers is a photo buddy. Nothing sparks conversation like taking a picture of a Satan bobblehead in front of the Eiffel Tower.
• Stay at hostels once in a while. I plan to throw myself into tourist situations every so often to meet other travelers rather than spending rainy evenings alone in my room. Joining a group tour occasionally will also introduce you to fellow travelers.
• Use social media. Twitter and Facebook are wonderful tools for meeting people in or around the area you’re visiting. Online communication can be a facilitator instead of a crutch. I haven’t left yet, but have already met many people (virtually and in the real world) through Twitter, Facebook and Couchsurfing.com. An exciting, unplanned diversion to La Tomatina in Spain came completely out of left field from other folks on Twitter (thanks to @ahesser) and is now one of the highlights of my planned trip.

I’m sure I’ll learn a lot more when I’m completely disconnected from my support system for weeks at a time. For those of you who have your own bouts with shyness, what tricks have you used to get over it when you’re traveling solo?

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