Now I know what a gang bang feels like.

The plan

In preparing for my departure, I knew I would have two sales. The first to clear my place of all the miscellaneous crap, the second to shed much of my furniture to limit my storage needs.

Some wonderful friends of mine (we’ll call them Shmoy, Shmill and Shmance) helped me put together the yard sale. I had an ungodly number of books, DVDs, comics and various electronics & camping stuff. They added clothes, cycling equipment and baby gear that’s been outgrown.

photo credit: fpm from Wikimedia Creative Commons

Shmoy is the most ridiculously obsessive organizer I’ve ever known (and an amazing artist). She put together dozens of craigslist ads, sale signs, attention getting balloons and hundreds of price stickers.

Shmance didn’t sell anything, but provided a lawn in the yard sale capital of the world: Van Nuys, California.

I was a little worried that we’d put a ton of time into this and not get a return to justify blowing a beautiful day of cycling. I hoped I’d make $500 at most and probably closer to $300.

It’s good to know that even in a recession, there’s a bullish market for crap.

How it went

6:30am: We had all dumped stuff off in advance, but I had a second carload that I threw on the lawn before the sun rose. Shmance then shared a disturbing bit of info: he wasn’t sure what time the lawn sprinklers turned on, so I may want to move my books to the sidewalk. Nice.

What we thought: spend the time from 7 – 8 setting stuff up, wiping everything off and applying price stickers to the items. Then, sell stuff from 8 until 1:00.

What happened: Like a newborn boy’s testicles, they descended before we had even left the womb. At 7:10, a plague of swap meet re-sellers swarmed the yard.  Shmill, our third participant, hadn’t even arrived to set up yet.

Shmoy gently informed the early birds that the sale wouldn’t be ready to go until 8:00. Then she said the same thing more firmly. Well, screw that, I had people shoving money in my face, so I took it. She quickly followed suit. Why not? After all, this was stuff that was just filling up space, including clothes that I had obviously purchased at Chess King.

I cleared $400 before we hit our start time of 8:00.

Shmill sold his boxes of books before they were even out of his car. That provided the quote of the day (I swear I am not making this up), “I want to buy them from you before all the vultures get to them.”

What sold

All my books and comics went in one transaction from a used book seller.

Two guys argued about buying all my DVDs at once. I got tired of them bickering so I just quoted a price I knew neither of them would pay. That calmed them down enough to sort through the ones they actually wanted. At $3 each, DVDs were probably the biggest single driver of the money I made throughout the day.

The yard sale was good for all of us, but a bit less successful for Shmoy and Shmill. We had advertised a wide array of items, including some high end designer clothing, shoes and expensive bike parts. While those were the best deals in the place, it just wasn’t the right crowd. Other than the early birds, customers weren’t responding to the ads, they were just driving the neighborhood looking for sales.

The most unusual items sold – my Halloween costumes:

photo credit: Bridget Coila - wikimedia creative commons

• An unused gorilla costume that I bought for Halloween but never wore. $10
• A pleather gladiator costume that borders on bondage gear. An older woman bought it for her son… wait, whut? $10
• For $20, a guy said hello to a new suit, I said goodbye to a Doctor Who costume.

The item I was most surprised didn’t sell:

• A doggie door insert for sliding glass doors. All week, people were e-mailing me asking about it and if they could come get it before the yard sale. Because I was out of town, I couldn’t do that. No one came to buy it and it didn’t sell to the crowd that was there.

Two items that didn’t sell, but should have:

• A waffle iron and creme brulee kit. My friends mocked me for owning both of those. Advice to any single guys out there – if you’re dating someone and offer to cook for her, both of those items are confirmed panty-droppers. That’s probably how I should advertise them on craigslist.

April Flowers Bring Snot Showers

I brought a box of Kleenex for my own use. After a third person offered to buy it, I had to move it out of sight. My allergies aren’t usually bad, but with the winds this week I brought the box as a precaution.

As it turned out, Shmance’s yard is surrounded by flowers in full bloom. I was a sneezing, dripping, teary-eyed mess. The entire box of tissues was used up by noon. 24 hours and a benadryl capsule later, I’m finally recovering.

The finale:

After 9:00, the flow of people was slow but steady.

I ended up taking home only a few items, most of which are the higher ticket items I know I can sell on ebay or craigslist. And a Santa Claus costume.

Final tally: an astonishing $1016. With all the $1 bills, I think I either have to visit a strip club or buy 837 Snickers bars from a vending machine.

Afterward, we had a very decadent rib dinner with friends, the moderators of www.socalbikeforums.com. This is a group that I chat with via e-mail all day long. I can go to a meeting and come back an hour later to 37 e-mails about everything from cycling to politics to Battlestar Galactica. We’ve all known each other for several years and done many bike rides together, but never once been together all at the same time, so it was a wonderful capper to a very successful day.

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