A visit to Italy includes a wealth of history, beauty, art and class. But enough about that, here’s what else I learned:

1. Mini-skirts and fishnet stockings are essential clothing to wear when walking a dog to crap on the sidewalk
2. There is a collective consciousness that makes chasing after flocks of pigeons a universal imperative for children in any nation.
3. In Siena, the story of Romulus has nothing to do with Star Trek, which was disappointing. The statues of babies drinking from a she-wolf’s teats makes it disturbing, as well.
4. The 72 towers of San Gimignano were how men over-compensated before the pick-up truck was invented.
5. One unanswered mystery is how there is so much open, unoccupied space in the Italian countryside when the country has been largely Catholic for centuries.
6. Italians are unique in that they don’t talk loudly and slowly if you don’t understand them. They speed up to attempt to teach you Italian through instant and total immersion.
7. You can’t tell the time by listening to cuckoos in the trees.
8. It’s impossible to prevent speaking English with an Italian accent when you’re trying to talk to an Italian.
9. Graffiti that says “Lucca = Merde” is the Italian sports fan equivalent of “Michigan Sucks!”
10. The Catholic church originated the practice of “if you can’t beat ‘em, hire ‘em” when they paid the greatest artists and free thinkers in history to work for the church.

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